Ally,
You’ve got a ton of quality elements in here. Some thoughts here are similar, so you might consider cutting it down, but I’m not sure it’s necessary. It’s pretty compelling content, I don’t think there would be any bad choices about what to cut or if you kept it all. You could experiment with giving yourself a word count or paragraph limit,…Read More

Coming back to the title. It didn’t capture my attention, the way your content does, and you’ve got some great lines in your content that I think you could adapt.

For example:
“The Amazon Bestsellers Award: It’s a stamp of approval from the algorithm Gods not a stamp of value.
“An Amazon Bestsellers Award is great, but is your book compellin…Read More

Hey @allytwprt-com – I love this piece! Like Joel said – I’d start with a title at the top that just packs a punch. well done!

Agree you can say the same thing in much fewer words 🙂 And maybe focus more on what the ABS stamp really is – maybe that is another post…. It is people giving their book away for 99cents (audio only) to get enough ‘purchases’ for the algorithm to bump it. For those of us what have been around the block a bit – know it truly has no meaning,…Read More

Hi Ally, I really appreciated your point of view in this piece; it gave me information I found useful to keep in mind, and I felt quite encouraged too, I was, however, not sure what your product/service offering is and how it will benefit me — may want to land these points more firmly. “I’m in the business of writing quality books and focusing o…Read More

see you next week!

Kerstin! I love what you do, and so well explained. I can relate: my husband is French, and his entire family is only French-speaking, so I was pretty motivated to learn the language!! I have done some of the apps and youtube channels and also some in-person courses. I can relate to the absolute frustration of trying to wrap my brain around…Read More

Kerstin this is great. Your paragraphs are really, clear, clean and compelling for each idea. I would consider sub-headers for some of the them. Intention; Commitment; Discipline; Communication. You might move your story up, and consider a client story. The only part that really threw me off is your title. The title felt entirely counter-intuitive…Read More

Hi Jessica,

“And yet I love….” is distracting to me as a reader because it makes me do a 180 degree turn.
Instead, why not stay and drill down your point, “The truth is…. What’s really happening during hypnosis is….imagination, different version, playing hooky from customary behaviors, superpower…” (lovely stuff). I appreciate the stage = it’s…Read More

JoelElfman, I love your example of the work you do with your clients compared to the entertainment show you see on a stage.

I enjoyed your take on what’s real/illusion as I’d expect that’s the general hangup for people. I absolutely get your love for what you do…I think perhaps add a bit more on that counter side so it’s not about trying to sound convincing – but why the misunderstandings really peeve you off. Again, well written, but I’m not feeling the…I guess…Read More

Love it! The Lara Croft bit was the part that “really took me there.” It painted a picture in my mind, and it will be the part that will resonate with me throughout the day. 🙂

The opening hook, isn’t grabbing me. Go bolder, “A travel advisor who says they can book anything, might as well point you at Expedia”, or just try a different headline. “Is your travel advisor, a generalist or a specialist”. That gets me curious about what a specialist is. A good travel advisor is what? going to save you time, money, &/or create…Read More

Great outline Amy! I’m thinking a bolder intro – perhaps something like – has your travel advisor ever even traveled? And maybe a bit more detail about how the average person is being misled when making travel arrangements. You clearly make it a more personal/connection – taking the time to get to know them, and I’m sure not many actually do that.…Read More

Great job, Amy!! Love your stance, and great other feedback. I immediately thought about drumming up an image of the “magic” of travel as an opening statement…. What makes travel magical? As a travel agent, you have a finger on that pulse, I really don’t, but when I’ve booked with an agent vs on my own, I’ve found my travel to be richer. My…Read More