OK – what is the call to action here?

I think it is brilliant, flows wonderfully. A few small take outs to tighten in up.. and off it goes:

DANG IT – the friggin strike throughs won’t show up in here. SO here it is with stuff just deleted:

Almost all of my life I’ve sat uneasily on an uneven 3 legged stool, wobbling back & forth between a wild imagination, physical activities a…Read More

I tightened it a little, so here’s my version:

For most of my life I’ve sat uneasily on a 3 legged stool, wobbling back & forth between a wild imagination, physical activities, and the expectations of others or society.

⁃ As a young boy, I did Modern Dance, until it didn’t seem like the thing a boy should be doing.

⁃ I was a voracious reader…Read More

Posted on FB, LinkedIn, & is the new About page for my website

I would keep it ‘your’. What you do is very personal.
How does our relationship with food help heal the world? It is too broad the way it is written now. Why is this important?

I agree with Amy, if your vision is around the “your” your mission should be too. (“Embracing your…” and creating awareness around you…”) It’s more personal. I also don’t think world here is too broad. If one person at a time can be healed / have awarenesss around food then essentially you’re healing the world, just one person at a time 🙂

I would leave the “your” but I am not clear how the personal awareness about food is healing the world.

I love the end. If Change is calling, book a call. ❤️

Wow I love it – easy to read – great flow!

Joel – this is clear and concise – good job. I wouldn’t say “if so join my …” because you are then asking them for a consult. See how that may feel like a mixed message to your peeps? You might say something like: If this sounds like what you are experiencing, you may benefit from program called xyz. See the difference?

Forgot the title: CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER?

I would remove the word PILOT. You know what you are doing and you can help these women. Adding Pilot makes this seem like it isn’t real. Like you are experimenting and not the leader you really are.
The special benefits – like bonus coaching – is something that you can gift people once they are in. The feedback will happen because you build…Read More

Nice work Nancy.

CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER? (Not crazy about this title. Is this about their DNA, their cultural beliefs or others beliefs about Asians. Which one or ones are you addressing)

I would make sure you hammer home, Who this is for, Asian woman, and Why, cultural heritage. Make sure they feel this is tailored to them, and…Read More

1) I would say …” without paid ads and even social media”. Your clients can still use any or both, but you give them options to succeed without these tools. 2) Do you only work with entrepreneurs who already have a team? If I read this, I assume it is not for solopreneurs. 3) “… to pay yourself and your team competitively. You might even…Read More

#3 — Optimize your business model and metrics in your PROFIT Plan that will uncover hidden profit leaks and where you might be leaving money on the table.

I might change the second point to use a comma after bottleneck and then ‘allowing you the freedom you truly desire.’