-
Great meeting today! Here are the links of examples that Brea shared with us today + @diana-lidstonegmail-com‘s…Read More
-
-
![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
KerstinPeters is with JoelElfman and 19 others
Is anyone planning to join me Thursday at noon ET for the 4 Th Wednesday Community Cooperation Meeting? Some of you mentioned that they had a time conflict. I could also host it at 10:30 AM or 3:30 PM.
Time: Aug 24, 2022 12:00 Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Every month on the Fourth Wed, 4 occurrence(s)
Aug 24, 2022 12:00…Read More![Profile Photo]()
liked this
-
I’m trying to get better at coming to this community, I’ll work on it! I would love some feedback on my story, I’m not sure how the tension and relief flows, how compelling it is, or if the CTA is too complicated. This is my 2nd draft after Tanya helped me rework a few things. Thanks!
The year was 2013 and I was at my heaviest weight ever, and…Read More
![Profile Photo]()
![Profile Photo]()
![Profile Photo]()
liked this
5 Comments-
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I feel like you are missing something…. are you your ideal weight now? did you find that something you were looking for in the last round of experimentation?
-
![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Stephanie,
once again, nice job, I think you are pretty much on-target.I would open a little different, edit a few other places, and add a little more detail to give people a stronger feeling about what your struggles.My journey to learning how to lose weight joyfully began n 2013. I was at my heaviest weight ever, and officially obese.
When I…Read More
-
![Profile picture of Annette Presley]()
Some different ideas for some of the sentences:
It took me 6 whole years to lose just 40 lbs.
I lost 40 lbs in only 4 months! I was so excited and on top of that I managed to keep the weight off for an entire year.But then I gained back 12 lbs. What I was doing to lose weight wasn’t helping me keep the weight off. I needed to try something…Read More
-
![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Love the version you published
-
Here is step 2 of the message, the story outline:
Immigrating to Canada, I had the language skills after a two-year certification as a foreign language correspondent. While I could perform oral business translations, I did not dare to talk to people. During the full-time programme, the goal was perfection. However, we never practiced improvised…Read More
![Profile Photo]()
liked this
5 Comments-
![Profile picture of Shannon]()
Great draft – my recommendation would you warm this up with wayyy more emotion (I know this is hard for some cultures). Here’s a rewrite so you get the gist:
I was so afraid of everyone thinking I was stupid, that I practiced my new language with our puppy–who I knew would not be judgemental and would be willing to listen! After immigrating to…Read More
-
![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
Thanks, Shannon, I see what you mean. I will see what I can do.
-
![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
I’m wondering if you can also make a joke about the puppy’s conversation improving as well.
-
![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
@Joel, that is not a bad idea. I will see if I can add that.
-
-
![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
Second draft:
When I immigrated to Canada, I had the language skills to thrive in my new country after a two-year certification as a foreign language correspondent. While I could confidently perform oral business translations, I did not dare to talk to people. During the full-time programme, the goal was perfection. However, we never practiced…Read More
-
-
- Load More Posts
The story starts very compelling. I would add some stronger adjectives in the second part ( It was a phenomenal success). I also would simplify the CTA. Only give them one option. I love the emojis.