I think you did a good job of fleshing this out just a bit to make the thread from your story to theirs be easy to follow. My only suggestion is that you use the word polished twice close together, and I suggest finding a synonym for one of them.

I think you did a good job here and it flows well. I am not sure of the word bespoke as it’s not a common word, but maybe it is in your area of expertise. I would just make sure it’s a word your audience would relate to.

Nice one Kim!! A great read and a nice flow.

For me I feel like maybe there’s a bit of repetition here: in “By day, I was an attorney (and later a nonprofit executive). The suit, the heels, and the polished words …” and the third paragraph “At work, I was the polished professional, constantly proving myself …” Maybe consider putting them…Read More

Thanks @fancyfamilyphotokeeper-com @annettepresleyhotmail-com and @jaini-shah15gmail-com – I’ve taken all of those notes into consideration and have updated my copy. It will be going out on Tuesday as part of the launch for my new program. I appreciate your help!

I like that you put the ‘woo” into it 🙂 other comments I would make have already been said above. This is a fantastic email.

Hi KIm- You might consider I believe in front of “As many coaches…” The 2 paragraphs on your qualifications as an expert are great. But then the email goes into all the details of the offer and the message gets lost as it makes it very long. Hope this helps 🙂

opening line needs to change from: All of the coaches, courses, books, podcasts you’ve been investing your time and money on to shift your mindset aren’t helping you uplevel yourself or the impact you’re making on the world.
to: All of the coaches, courses, books, podcasts you’ve been investing your time and money on to shift your mindset aren’t…Read More

rework: From my time on the front lines to working with hundreds of leaders, teams, and organizations over the past 7 years, I know without a doubt that mindset is a component of change.
TO: I know without a doubt that mindset is a component of change.
(you estabilsh your expertise in the 25 years line and paragraph above. Say what is.)

can you make this line a little clearer? * You believe who you were is who you are, discounting your very real lived experiences.

Can you say this in a way your clients are saying it. I don’t know that they would say “I am using someone else framework and it isn’t working” * You’re outsourcing your wisdom to someone else’s framework.