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Two draft emails from the Session on Wednesday. Would love your comments if the want sounds capturing and the problem and why it persists makes sense.
Email 1
Subject: Waking up Feeling Tired?
Preview: Lets chat.If you are not waking up feeling fresh and energetic it may be because you’re eating something that’s draining your energy.…Read More
4 Comments-
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![Profile picture of Jaini Shah]()
Thanks!
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![Profile picture of Blair Hope]()
Both emails sound great! Clear problem and reasons.
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![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I see what you want to do here… but I don’t think anyone calls themselves “Tired One”
Change: If you’re ready to go from the Tired One to the Energised Human, then it’s time to schedule a Discovery Call with me.
to: If you’re ready to go from being tired all the time and feeling like you need coffee or sugar to a more naturally Energized Human…Read More
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Email Number 4- Does this email speak to those looking to change their health and is it clear that if they sign up for the Masterclass they will have the answers to better health? @amymshannonhernandez-com @clientsmshannonhernandez-com
Subject Line: Do Holidays mean Overeating?
Preview: Is it possible to enjoy a holiday where it isn’t all…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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3 Comments-
![Profile picture of KathyTarbell]()
I think that it is somewhat clear on what the masterclass covers. You might consider taking out the second to last paragraph ( Are you clear….) Clear is used quite a bit at the end of the email you may want to use some other words.
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![Profile picture of Jaini Shah]()
Thank you! Good point, clear is there a lot, I’ll edit that part 🙂
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![Profile picture of Shannon]()
Hi @jaini-shah15gmail-com – love this take on holidays and over eating. Can you include in the last paragraph a bulleted list of the 3 takeaways from the workshop?
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Email Number 3- if you read this email, would you want to know more about what food to eat and avoid? Hoping to get some discovery calls booked! @amymshannonhernandez-com @clientsmshannonhernandez-com
Subject Line: Does it rot?
Preview: How do you know if food is real?Hook Line: Something weird happened, I bought a croissant and decided…Read More
![Profile Photo]()
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2 Comments-
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
Don’t add fluff to the hook line
Hook Line: Something weird happened, I bought a croissant and decided not to eat it, and then A YEAR LATER- the croissant is still here 😷😷Get straight to it: I bought a croissant and decided not to eat it, and then A YEAR LATER- the croissant is still here
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![Profile picture of Shannon]()
agreed! less words = more clarity (in cases like this)
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Email Number 2- Please share your thoughts- Does this email make you feel curious about your hunger needs? And get you thinking, do I want to reassess my relationship with food?
Subject Line: Hunger isn’t about food 😱😱
Preview: I was recently proven right about this, you can be full and lose weight!Hook Line: Hunger is 99% NEVER about the…Read More
![Profile Photo]()
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1 Comment-
![Profile picture of Shannon]()
I LOVE this piece – and the opening line. and the story! Well done @jaini-shah15gmail-com. Remember, subject lines and preview lines need to be 5 words or less – so you need to rethink this long preview line.
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I am creating a landing page for an online masterclass that I am hosting on 29 July 2024. Below is the text for the landing page (or you can have a look at the landing page here: https://wildbutterfly.myflodesk.com/nkh6awy5pc). Would love your thoughts everyone in the community and @amymshannonhernandez-com and @clientsmshannonhernandez-com on…Read More
4 Comments-
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
Did you watch the landing page training? It doesn’t seem so, my suggestion is to go back to it and watch it.
Your email is more aligned VS your landing page.-
![Profile picture of Jaini Shah]()
Thanks! Which month is the landing page training? I’ll add that to the resources I need to watch.
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![Profile picture of Jaini Shah]()
Thanks will watch this!
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Jaini Shah
Food Relationship Coach, Rapid Transformational Therapist
At 30 Jaini felt like she was 60 and knew something had to change. In January 2020 she embarked on a health journey that turned everything around from having more energy, to having normal thyroid function and being happier on a day to day basis. She left her corporate law career and became a Food Relationship Coach and a Rapid Transformational Therapist to help others also rewrite their health stories. She loves to be camping in the bush if she's not coaching, being outdoors and always being curious about how we can be better than yesterday.
These look great to me