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I’m trying to get better at coming to this community, I’ll work on it! I would love some feedback on my story, I’m not sure how the tension and relief flows, how compelling it is, or if the CTA is too complicated. This is my 2nd draft after Tanya helped me rework a few things. Thanks!
The year was 2013 and I was at my heaviest weight ever, and…Read More
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![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I feel like you are missing something…. are you your ideal weight now? did you find that something you were looking for in the last round of experimentation?
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Stephanie,
once again, nice job, I think you are pretty much on-target.I would open a little different, edit a few other places, and add a little more detail to give people a stronger feeling about what your struggles.My journey to learning how to lose weight joyfully began n 2013. I was at my heaviest weight ever, and officially obese.
When I…Read More
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![Profile picture of Annette Presley]()
Some different ideas for some of the sentences:
It took me 6 whole years to lose just 40 lbs.
I lost 40 lbs in only 4 months! I was so excited and on top of that I managed to keep the weight off for an entire year.But then I gained back 12 lbs. What I was doing to lose weight wasn’t helping me keep the weight off. I needed to try something…Read More
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Love the version you published
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Hi lovelies!
I am working on my vision statement. I am working off of my Universal Truth: Embracing your emotional relationship with food heals your mind, body and soul.The Mission:
We believe creating awareness around your (a, the?) relationship with food can heal the world.I am struggling with ” your, a, the” also is “the world” too broad?
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![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I would keep it ‘your’. What you do is very personal.
How does our relationship with food help heal the world? It is too broad the way it is written now. Why is this important? -
![Profile picture of TanyaEasterling]()
I agree with Amy, if your vision is around the “your” your mission should be too. (“Embracing your…” and creating awareness around you…”) It’s more personal. I also don’t think world here is too broad. If one person at a time can be healed / have awarenesss around food then essentially you’re healing the world, just one person at a time 🙂
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![Profile picture of Amy Civica]()
Thank you Tanya
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![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
I would leave the “your” but I am not clear how the personal awareness about food is healing the world.
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![Profile picture of SusanMaldonado]()
Had a consult call yesterday – first time I have spoken with someone where I said right up front that my single session is no longer for sale… that the longer program is needed to get results! I used my bold qualifiers to describe the people who achieve the best results from working with me. He and his wife took lots of notes and were…Read More
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![Profile picture of Shannon]()
Susan – well done! A great reminder that bold qualifiers help us take the BEST stand for our clients’ success!
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![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
Establish a long except a clear, long term vision or have the ability to see how today’s money decision effects your long term vision.
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![Profile picture of SusanMaldonado]()
Thanks! I mixed the “before vs after” program exercise, with the Bold Qualifiers…
The people who get the best results:
Before (bold qualifiers)
Over 70k annual household income, but maybe aside from some 401k funds, not really building wealth
Find budgeting frustrating, useless, or both.
Make monthly debt payments besides a mortgage.
Give no…Read More
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The story starts very compelling. I would add some stronger adjectives in the second part ( It was a phenomenal success). I also would simplify the CTA. Only give them one option. I love the emojis.