Pretty good, the negative money is:” is the only place I think that needs more attention. I would consider chunking down and getting specific here. Sorry some of these are long for space allotted.
* Late payments
* Borrowing to stay afloat
* Scrambling to meet bills
* Overwhelmed by details
* Watching your dreams of house, car, wedding, drift further & further away
* Every week, it feels like your paycheck is gone before you know it

I like Joel’s suggestions. Make it more specific so people can relate. I love from stressed and stuck to calm and collected. I’m not crazy about the blurb after that because it doesn’t roll off the tongue well and it’s more about you than the client. How about something like, “How small, daily improvements with money can empower you to make the bigger decisions in life with confidence.” Otherwise, I love the visual.