Good, you are keeping this all on theme…. but I was confused by this line
(you know, like running a successful business, making change in the world, and being a positive role model)

This is the theme… only to feel insecure about the outfit you chose
but your questions are all over.

You have a lot of beautiful pieces in here, but it feels disjointed and the CTA came as a bit of a shock. I just didn’t see it heading there.

If a retreat is what you are offering, I would use the “she stood in the storm” story for something else and create a story around “you are the definition of beauty.” What does that mean and look like and…Read More

@annettepresleyhotmail-com great job on the input around making the opening lines – which I LOVE – match the offer, which is the retreat. @kathymthoodphotography-com there seems to be a diconnect here. Maybe a tie in to how a retreat can help you expand your sails? reset after internal storms?

I agree it feels kind of disjointed. You have the sentence, “Work that revolves around, empowering, uplifting, encouraging, getting curious, learning and showing each and every woman that “You are the definition of Beauty”.” Perhaps focusing on one of these things could provide a theme that ties the story to the call to action?