Ally,
You’ve got a ton of quality elements in here. Some thoughts here are similar, so you might consider cutting it down, but I’m not sure it’s necessary. It’s pretty compelling content, I don’t think there would be any bad choices about what to cut or if you kept it all. You could experiment with giving yourself a word count or paragraph limit,…Read More

Coming back to the title. It didn’t capture my attention, the way your content does, and you’ve got some great lines in your content that I think you could adapt.

For example:
“The Amazon Bestsellers Award: It’s a stamp of approval from the algorithm Gods not a stamp of value.
“An Amazon Bestsellers Award is great, but is your book compellin…Read More

Hey @allytwprt-com – I love this piece! Like Joel said – I’d start with a title at the top that just packs a punch. well done!

Agree you can say the same thing in much fewer words 🙂 And maybe focus more on what the ABS stamp really is – maybe that is another post…. It is people giving their book away for 99cents (audio only) to get enough ‘purchases’ for the algorithm to bump it. For those of us what have been around the block a bit – know it truly has no meaning,…Read More

Hi Ally, I really appreciated your point of view in this piece; it gave me information I found useful to keep in mind, and I felt quite encouraged too, I was, however, not sure what your product/service offering is and how it will benefit me — may want to land these points more firmly. “I’m in the business of writing quality books and focusing o…Read More

“And yet I love….” is distracting to me as a reader because it makes me do a 180 degree turn.
Instead, why not stay and drill down your point, “The truth is…. What’s really happening during hypnosis is….imagination, different version, playing hooky from customary behaviors, superpower…” (lovely stuff). I appreciate the stage = it’s…Read More

JoelElfman, I love your example of the work you do with your clients compared to the entertainment show you see on a stage.

I enjoyed your take on what’s real/illusion as I’d expect that’s the general hangup for people. I absolutely get your love for what you do…I think perhaps add a bit more on that counter side so it’s not about trying to sound convincing – but why the misunderstandings really peeve you off. Again, well written, but I’m not feeling the…I guess…Read More

Love it! The Lara Croft bit was the part that “really took me there.” It painted a picture in my mind, and it will be the part that will resonate with me throughout the day. 🙂

Well I totally agree with your hook statement —

Jessica I’ll read the rest later, but like Amy says, YOUR HOOK ROOOOOCCCCCKKKKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!

Hi Jessica, do you have a specific client example that you can include to illustrate/show proof? Would love to see it! Or if using your general example of public speaking, I was wondering, “How?” … would hypnosis help me move past it whereas talk therapy doesn’t?

Hi Jessica, lots of good stuff in here. If you don’t want to take on all the therapists you know, consider qualifying your statement “Talk therapy often SUCKS at solving your problems.”
-you could make it about you. “Talk therapy sucked at solving my problems”.
-Or a mixed alternative might be “Talk therapy sucked at solving my problems. How about…Read More

Jumping right into Shift Hypnosis feels a bit like a sales pitch. I might give the benefits, and then name it later.

Here is a thought that may be a bit controversial. In terms of naming things, used to be some people advocate against words that sound similar to a negative word. “Discuss” for some can sound similar to “disgust”, “shift” has some potential for risk in this arena. How much of an issue this truly is, Maybe it’s nothing. I have no idea. I would be…Read More

Whoa! I felt that intro – a nice gut punch and I like it. Very well written, I’m clear on your stance though I’d love more clarity (or more detail) around your method – or more about the shift process of a client’s experience. You come out with a knock out and then it gets soft around the area that lets me know why I shouldn’t bother with talk…Read More

The latter part, talking about what you do is good, but for me, perhaps too generic. I’m not sure, fully how to describe what I’m looking for. So, please forgive me, I’m going to write my version of what I would say, and hopefully, that will spark some ideas.
“Don’t worry, there is an answer.
The way to break free is to put your brain where y…Read More