I think you did a good job of fleshing this out just a bit to make the thread from your story to theirs be easy to follow. My only suggestion is that you use the word polished twice close together, and I suggest finding a synonym for one of them.

I think you did a good job here and it flows well. I am not sure of the word bespoke as it’s not a common word, but maybe it is in your area of expertise. I would just make sure it’s a word your audience would relate to.

Nice one Kim!! A great read and a nice flow.

For me I feel like maybe there’s a bit of repetition here: in “By day, I was an attorney (and later a nonprofit executive). The suit, the heels, and the polished words …” and the third paragraph “At work, I was the polished professional, constantly proving myself …” Maybe consider putting them…Read More

Thanks @fancyfamilyphotokeeper-com @annettepresleyhotmail-com and @jaini-shah15gmail-com – I’ve taken all of those notes into consideration and have updated my copy. It will be going out on Tuesday as part of the launch for my new program. I appreciate your help!

I like that you put the ‘woo” into it 🙂 other comments I would make have already been said above. This is a fantastic email.

Hey Kathy! I feel like there’s more than one email here. The excitement (new year, ski races, being in the studio). The managerial outcomes/goals feels like something else. What would it be like to stay with the excitement as the vibe for this email? Maybe tell us more about the joy, fear, excitement, danger of the ski racing. What’s it been like…Read More

I agree with Kim. I don’t follow a thread from the ski experiences to your past jobs to what you do now. I think this is a good start and it just needs to be fleshed out more so that A leads to B leads to C.

Ditto. The title makes me feel like the message is going to be about the desire to travel without a plan or explore just because or something like that, or with the skiing, I think of wanderlust as a skier being on the top of a mountain just to go where the snow leads kind of thing, not being in a race where you have to follow a certain path, so…Read More

I agree with what’s been said above. I think there are 2 emails here. I absolutely love how you have tied the vibe of the skiing races to what you experience in a photo shoot. And perhaps that works when you remove the sentence “As a manager it was my job to look at things from everyone’s point of view and help facilitate the outcomes of the g…Read More

Hey @jaini-shah15gmail-com – As a fellow recovering attorney… I felt this one! A couple of suggestions… this sentence “Something I never used to do in moments like that was pause and reflect.” felt out of place. I think you’re fine going right into ” I didn’t think about how I felt…” Feels more powerful and doesn’t stop the flow of the s…Read More

I agree with everything Kim said. More details will help your readers see themselves in your story.

Awesome! I need to learn how to find the things I save there or maybe how to save them so I can find them.

I feel like you have two stories, the family coming/skiing etc and the previous financial job and they don’t really relate to each other. And I thought you were heading towards a family photo shoot and then deeper down it sounded like more of a boudoir shoot.

I didn’t really get a sense of what the ‘messy’ is that you are trying to convey, but if…Read More

Agreed with Annett, there are 2 great emails sitting in here! Love the whole family christmas idea and it being messy- use that as a theme for an email on how you help people with the messy- your unique photoshoot is like christmas family time and navigating that. And a second email is about your incredible skills you picked up in the financial…Read More

Annette- this is great! I was with you util this sentence; If you are tired of feeling like crap, being gaslit by your doctor, and being told nothing is wrong with you because your labs are normal, let’s talk. Maybe something like if you have unanswered questions, are not being heard, feel like there are more options than what have been d…Read More

I agree with Kathy. I love it all – except that part just felt a little too on the nose. As someone with a lifelong chronic medical condition that was only diagnosed 8 years ago, I had many caring doctors who didn’t know what to do with me. They just didn’t have the information. Maybe you can acknowledge both situations so that someone doesn’t…Read More

The first part of your email is great, captivating story and helps a reader understand how you have an open mind. I’m finding it hard to relate the sentence “If you are tired of feeling like crap, being gaslit by your doctor, and being told nothing is wrong with you because your labs are normal, let’s talk.” to everything else you have said in y…Read More

I think your outline sounds like what I had in mind. I’m flexible how it works but do think it makes sense to do it right after class when its fresh – It might be enough to do a meet up 2x a month and the rest via email (google docs)

Hi Jaini- I would love to be in a peer review pod. For me a review of my draft would be best on Friday or Monday after our first meeting of the month. That gives me Wednesday class and after to draft it. A day to let it sit then review and refine so that it is more polished to look at on the next Wednesday class. I would really like to have at…Read More

I would be interested in this as well. I couldn’t attend the session live due to having a root canal extracted, and just went through the replay Sunday evening. Kenya is actually 10 hours ahead of my time zone (MST). But having a dedicated time or at least a group to submit drafts to would go along way for me.