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I’m trying to get better at coming to this community, I’ll work on it! I would love some feedback on my story, I’m not sure how the tension and relief flows, how compelling it is, or if the CTA is too complicated. This is my 2nd draft after Tanya helped me rework a few things. Thanks!
The year was 2013 and I was at my heaviest weight ever, and…Read More
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![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I feel like you are missing something…. are you your ideal weight now? did you find that something you were looking for in the last round of experimentation?
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Stephanie,
once again, nice job, I think you are pretty much on-target.I would open a little different, edit a few other places, and add a little more detail to give people a stronger feeling about what your struggles.My journey to learning how to lose weight joyfully began n 2013. I was at my heaviest weight ever, and officially obese.
When I…Read More
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![Profile picture of Annette Presley]()
Some different ideas for some of the sentences:
It took me 6 whole years to lose just 40 lbs.
I lost 40 lbs in only 4 months! I was so excited and on top of that I managed to keep the weight off for an entire year.But then I gained back 12 lbs. What I was doing to lose weight wasn’t helping me keep the weight off. I needed to try something…Read More
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Love the version you published
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Good Afternoon friends! I’ve posted my long form and a link to the video for how the Revenue PI came to be.
Hey Hey! My name is Tanya, and today I wanted to introduce myself and tell you the story of how The Revenue PI came to be.
The medical field has been near and dear to my heart for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I wanted to be a…Read More
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I think this is brilliant
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I love how you combined the two versions like we talked about in the club meeting, this is so much better and has much more emotion than the one I listened to Wednesday. I didn’t watch this video version, just read it, but I think it’s great!
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I love this!
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Here is step 2 of the message, the story outline:
Immigrating to Canada, I had the language skills after a two-year certification as a foreign language correspondent. While I could perform oral business translations, I did not dare to talk to people. During the full-time programme, the goal was perfection. However, we never practiced improvised…Read More
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Great draft – my recommendation would you warm this up with wayyy more emotion (I know this is hard for some cultures). Here’s a rewrite so you get the gist:
I was so afraid of everyone thinking I was stupid, that I practiced my new language with our puppy–who I knew would not be judgemental and would be willing to listen! After immigrating to…Read More
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![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
Thanks, Shannon, I see what you mean. I will see what I can do.
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
I’m wondering if you can also make a joke about the puppy’s conversation improving as well.
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![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
@Joel, that is not a bad idea. I will see if I can add that.
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Second draft:
When I immigrated to Canada, I had the language skills to thrive in my new country after a two-year certification as a foreign language correspondent. While I could confidently perform oral business translations, I did not dare to talk to people. During the full-time programme, the goal was perfection. However, we never practiced…Read More
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Do you need a little extra support with your content creation? Come hang out with fellow Content Personality Club students to talk through anything that keeps you from putting your messages out. This session on the fourth Wednesday of the month is not hosted by Shannon or Amy.
Here is the link to my personal zoom sessions for you:Topic: 4 Th…Read More
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As some members mentioned the have a time conflict on the 4th Wednesday, is there another time that would suit you?
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Does anyone plan to come tomorrow to the 4 Th Wednesday Community Cooperation?
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Reworking my vision statement from May:
I believe the combination of language and art instruction for German learners in a supportive community facilitates studying, enriches their lives and promotes understanding.
I would love some feedback. I teach German by using simple art projects to visualize new content to help memorization and…Read More
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![Profile picture of Shannon]()
Good job! What about this (looking to warm this up a little): I believe German learners learn best with a combination of language + art instruction–in a highly supportive community.
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![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
Thanks, Shannon. It is exactly my vision.
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The story starts very compelling. I would add some stronger adjectives in the second part ( It was a phenomenal success). I also would simplify the CTA. Only give them one option. I love the emojis.