KerstinPeters

JoelElfman

• 2 years, 5 months ago

Direct Offer Content
Are you feeling frustration, stress, anxiety, conflicted within yourself or with different parts of your life? Tired of conducting life from the rear seats vs. being your best self.

If so, join my signature BodyHypnosis program. 12 weeks of 1:1 personal sessions and learn how to:

– Create more awareness around the…Read More

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4 Comments
- AmyHager
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  I love the end. If Change is calling, book a call. ❤️
- Amy Flo-Yo
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Wow I love it – easy to read – great flow!
- Shannon
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Joel – this is clear and concise – good job. I wouldn’t say “if so join my …” because you are then asking them for a consult. See how that may feel like a mixed message to your peeps? You might say something like: If this sounds like what you are experiencing, you may benefit from program called xyz. See the difference?
  - JoelElfman
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Thanks Shannon, I will include the change
NancyChen

• 2 years, 6 months ago

DIRECT OFFER EMAIL – Draft 1
Used the magic word, “repeatable”!
Comments invited!

Hello ,

Do you want to build more influence at work so that you can reach your goals?

If so, I would like to work with you in my PILOT Leadership Program designed for Asian women. This group program delivers the same system that has transformed many…Read More

4 Comments
- NancyChen
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Forgot the title: CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER?
- AmyHager
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  I would remove the word PILOT. You know what you are doing and you can help these women. Adding Pilot makes this seem like it isn’t real. Like you are experimenting and not the leader you really are.
  The special benefits – like bonus coaching – is something that you can gift people once they are in. The feedback will happen because you build…Read More
  - NancyChen
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Thanks for your feedback, Amy – it’s making more sense to me now.
- JoelElfman
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Nice work Nancy.
  
  CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER? (Not crazy about this title. Is this about their DNA, their cultural beliefs or others beliefs about Asians. Which one or ones are you addressing)
  
  I would make sure you hammer home, Who this is for, Asian woman, and Why, cultural heritage. Make sure they feel this is tailored to them, and…Read More
DonnaDube

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Would love any and all feedback on my direct offer post that would go into an email:

Hi ***,

Did you know that data driven businesses are 23 times more likely to acquire new customers and 19 times more likely to be profitable? Those are some staggering statistics folks, whether you love numbers or hate them. The evidence is clear that looking at…Read More

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11 Comments
- Annette Presley
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  I think it sounds great!
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks Annette! I appreciate you taking the time to read it through.
- SusanMaldonado
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Yes this is so good!!
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks Sue! Appreciate it.
- NancyChen
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Hi Donna, this is reading tight and strong; good work, Any ideas for a grabby TITLE?
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks Nancy. For a title I was thinking “It’s time for profitable decision making in your business”
    - NancyChen
      2 years, 6 months ago
      
      Donna, I think that the arguments that you make so strongly to follow are too compelling, and almost demand, a hookier title. Let yourself get passionate about your topic, which you clearly are, and see what comes out :-D! ?How to make your numbers your best friend vs. your worst enemy? Stop sweeping the financial truth of your business under the…Read More
      
      DonnaDube
      2 years, 6 months ago
      
      Nancy, thanks for your kind words.. love your suggestions.. I will have some fun with it and see what I can come up with. Titles are obviously not my strong point! On a side note, I would be happy to chat with you further if you wish, no need to wait till you hit $200K!
      
      KerstinPeters
      2 years, 5 months ago
      
      Very clear and compelling, Donna. I have a similar problem with titles.
- JoelElfman
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Donna, really good.
  I would consider flipping “Are you ready to dump uncertain guesswork and start making profitable decisions in your business?, to “Are you ready to start making profitable decisions in your business, and dump uncertain guesswork?
  And I would also consider, again switching the CTA around, “Book a call with me and let’s make…Read More
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Thanks Joel for your thoughts! I like your suggestions.
Annette Presley changed their profile picture

• 2 years, 6 months ago

liked this
Annette Presley

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Here’s my invitation:

Hello, ,
Are you tired of seeing doctor after doctor only to get no real solutions or dismissed with an antidepressant as they rush you out the door?

Are you tired of feeling like crap and wish you could just get your life back?

If so, I would like to work with you in my 8-week Revived Woman Intensive. I have 10…Read More

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3 Comments
- AmyHager
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Rework: You are willing to try a new approach that will give you more energy, mental clarity, better control over mood and emotions, and get your hormones working on your side again (or for the first time).
  -Many of us have already tired what our docs have called “lifestyle changes” or “diet changes” I don’t think you need to be so weedy with…Read More
  - Annette Presley
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Oh yeah, much better, thanks!
  - JoelElfman
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Annette, really good. “get your hormones working on your side again (or for the first time).” is a wonderful turn of phrase
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