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Revised 01 (parts in Square Brackets [] are for the video & won’t be in the text version) Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself
Do you have a bunch of shoulds or shouldn’ts you keep telling yourself? Something you want to do differently, but haven’t managed to change so far.
– I should exercise, I should lose weight, I should stop smoking, I should…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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3 Comments-
![Profile picture of Dan Lewis]()
Love it, Joel. Really straightforward and clear.
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Thanks AmyH & Dan!
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Hi everyone,
I would love some commentary. I’ve tried to simplify as much as possible, but it is still running a bit longer than I would like.
Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself
Do you have a bunch of shoulds or shouldn’ts you keep telling yourself? Something you want to do differently, but haven’t managed to change so far. I should exercise,…Read More
2 Comments-
![Profile picture of KerriKender]()
I like the title “Stop Shoulding on Yourself!” It definitely draws me in…maybe a play on words? We’ve all been there “I should exercise, stop smoking, etc, so I feel this hook helps to keep me engaged. For the three tips, maybe an example of what this sounds like for 1)…..For two, I see you give the example about the client and her son, but…Read More
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Thanks Keri for your feedback – the revised version is a little tighter, and the example for #2 is for the video version. I will record and the decide whether or not to cut it out. Thanks again!
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Possible hooks:
*3 reasons you’re losing out on dances at festivals
* why your embrace could be costing you dances
*why you feel uncomfortable in your embraces
*want to improve your social dance connection and get more dances?
*from chaos to clarity in your embrace
*from ho-hum to orgasmic in your social dancing
*Stop getting stepped on…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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6 Comments-
![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
I like all of these, I would change “want to improve…” to “how to improve…”
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![Profile picture of DanielaBorgialli]()
got it – thank you
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![Profile picture of SaraFins]()
This is my favorite: *want to improve your social dance connection and get more dances? You are focusing on those who already dance, right?
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![Profile picture of DanielaBorgialli]()
great – thank you and yes
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![Profile picture of JennyLocklin]()
Hi Daniela, I’m new so take my comments w/ a grain of salt. Personally, I don’t know what embrace means in that context. I definitely know what the last entry means…”Stop getting stepped on!” I don’t know what social dances mean? I’m guessing that your target audience knows exactly what that means? Does that mean going to dance clubs and getting…Read More
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![Profile picture of DanielaBorgialli]()
thank you
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H! Here is my first stab at a value content email. I did not use the 3 related tips format. Not sure if that is a must, but I felt it flowed better this week. Feedback appreciated!
Email subject line: Why focusing on your revenue could actually be hurting your business
and what to do instead
Hi TEST,
When it comes to keeping track…Read More
6 Comments-
![Profile picture of DanielaBorgialli]()
I like this Sara. (Being a person who feels like Charlie Brown in class with the blah blah teacher -the minute people talk money/revenue / profit… huh?) I feel that I might like it shortened – you say “focus on profitability” – and my mind wants to know right away what that is and then vs what revenue is…. and then a tie in and your CTA….…Read More
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![Profile picture of SaraFins]()
Thank you for the input and your honesty!
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![Profile picture of Blair Hope]()
I love this! I had a question about the difference between revenue and profitability, and then you answered it. You asked questions and shared tips without making me feel like I was doing something wrong, and when I realized I don’t do this – you offered a solution and hope!
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![Profile picture of SaraFins]()
Thank you so much, Blair! I’m glad it felt clear and helped you in some way.
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Hi Sara, I felt there was too much explanation. I think most people understand some of the things you were explaining. So I cropped considerably. If you want to keep more of the explanations, I would tighten it up.
Technically, most of what is written is about making money & profit which could apply to marketing, sales, or other arenas.
Maybe…Read More-
![Profile picture of SaraFins]()
Thanks for the thoughtful input, Joel!
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Here is video,
& attached text for SM below.
Again, my eyes are all over the place, too many Ums, and a bit too much laughter, but tons of fun to shoot these Behind the Scenes posts.
All comments are welcome on video or on the short accompanying…Read More2 Comments-
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I think as you get more comfortable, it will be smoother. But, I also think this is starting to feel more like you! Keep recording the videos.
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Thanks, Amy!
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This is really good! Get it out into the world – we all need to hear this!