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Ok, so taking action and would love feedback @nancychen1gmail-com, @brhwcoachinggmail-com, @amymshannonhernandez-com… Thanks
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Thank you @aslcivicagmail-com, love the feedback!
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Malinda, this is really good. Possible small considerations for tweaking. I’m with Amy H on the timing of the Breaking Glass. Although I might go further, and right after you shatter the glass, I would consider changing the language to 40% of trafficking is Male. You’ve shattered the glass for the reveal, For me, the extra panel to get “Male” did not build extra tension. I would just go right upfront w/ boys are 40%. And in the last panel, I would consider a cone of light coming down from the lamp you just drew. You got the lamp, might as well turn it on, to emphasize your point. I wonder if you could build the lamp early, and maybe use it to illuminate each fact. For me, I’m closer to Amy F-Y on the speed. I felt a mismatch in the auditory delivery vs. the speed of the writing & drawing. My brain was ahead of the writing or drawing that was still trying to finish. Just shows you, that everyone is different.
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Thanks, Joel, I have been on the search for a GIF that would work for that exact spot… no luck yet though =(. I may post without it and then on the next one add that!
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Nice multimedia piece, Malida! What if you start with”Myth: Sex trafficking is a girls……” then “Fact: it’s a boys ,…” because the word ‘Myth’ might keep me reading, whereas I may not otherwise ( I already know trafficking is a girl issue). Also the end, how about a quick phrase about what your #film is raising $$ for (a doc on ….. X% goes to a relief fund…. ). And/or can you imbed your project link so a reader who is now interested can click on the screen vs. copy/paste to learn more?
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Friends
Jean Berry, Business Game Expert
@jeanjeanberrypresents-com
Nancy Jackson
@nancyjauthenticalignedgmail-com
AmyHager
@amymshannonhernandez-com
Amy Civica
@aslcivicagmail-com
JoelElfman
@bodymindhypnoticgmail-com
I love it – quick, powerful and needed. I read and process VERY quickly so it was ok for me… but I can see how it might be “too fast” for others to keep up with.