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DIRECT OFFER EMAIL – Draft 1
Used the magic word, “repeatable”!
Comments invited!Hello ,
Do you want to build more influence at work so that you can reach your goals?
If so, I would like to work with you in my PILOT Leadership Program designed for Asian women. This group program delivers the same system that has transformed many…Read More
4 Comments-
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I would remove the word PILOT. You know what you are doing and you can help these women. Adding Pilot makes this seem like it isn’t real. Like you are experimenting and not the leader you really are.
The special benefits – like bonus coaching – is something that you can gift people once they are in. The feedback will happen because you build…Read More-
![Profile picture of NancyChen]()
Thanks for your feedback, Amy – it’s making more sense to me now.
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Nice work Nancy.
CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER? (Not crazy about this title. Is this about their DNA, their cultural beliefs or others beliefs about Asians. Which one or ones are you addressing)
I would make sure you hammer home, Who this is for, Asian woman, and Why, cultural heritage. Make sure they feel this is tailored to them, and…Read More
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Would love any and all feedback on my direct offer post that would go into an email:
Hi ***,
Did you know that data driven businesses are 23 times more likely to acquire new customers and 19 times more likely to be profitable? Those are some staggering statistics folks, whether you love numbers or hate them. The evidence is clear that looking at…Read More
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11 Comments-
![Profile picture of Annette Presley]()
I think it sounds great!
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![Profile picture of DonnaDube]()
Thanks Annette! I appreciate you taking the time to read it through.
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![Profile picture of SusanMaldonado]()
Yes this is so good!!
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![Profile picture of DonnaDube]()
Thanks Sue! Appreciate it.
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![Profile picture of NancyChen]()
Hi Donna, this is reading tight and strong; good work, Any ideas for a grabby TITLE?
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![Profile picture of DonnaDube]()
Thanks Nancy. For a title I was thinking “It’s time for profitable decision making in your business”
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![Profile picture of NancyChen]()
Donna, I think that the arguments that you make so strongly to follow are too compelling, and almost demand, a hookier title. Let yourself get passionate about your topic, which you clearly are, and see what comes out :-D! ?How to make your numbers your best friend vs. your worst enemy? Stop sweeping the financial truth of your business under the…Read More-
![Profile picture of DonnaDube]()
Nancy, thanks for your kind words.. love your suggestions.. I will have some fun with it and see what I can come up with. Titles are obviously not my strong point! On a side note, I would be happy to chat with you further if you wish, no need to wait till you hit $200K!
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![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
Very clear and compelling, Donna. I have a similar problem with titles.
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Donna, really good.
I would consider flipping “Are you ready to dump uncertain guesswork and start making profitable decisions in your business?, to “Are you ready to start making profitable decisions in your business, and dump uncertain guesswork?
And I would also consider, again switching the CTA around, “Book a call with me and let’s make…Read More-
![Profile picture of DonnaDube]()
Thanks Joel for your thoughts! I like your suggestions.
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Here are the results from taking part in my Summer Conversation Sessions:
1) You will become more comfortable and confident speaking German to be an engaged participant in conversations.
2) You will increase your vocabulary for small talk and feel part of the conversations.
3) You will connect and practice with other learners to feel supported…Read More2 Comments-
![Profile picture of Annette Presley]()
For #1 I’d maybe say You will comfortably and confidently engage in conversations with those who speak German.
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![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
Thanks, Annette.
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TAKE #2 – 3 results….
Here’s the results for my 1-1 Coaching program (12 months) — input pls … Working with me you will…
1. co-create & implement a VISIBILITY ROADMAP which ensures that you STAND OUT as the undeniable authority in your field so you magnetize dream clients with ease (without paid ads and perhaps without social med…Read More
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5 Comments-
![Profile picture of KerstinPeters]()
1) I would say …” without paid ads and even social media”. Your clients can still use any or both, but you give them options to succeed without these tools. 2) Do you only work with entrepreneurs who already have a team? If I read this, I assume it is not for solopreneurs. 3) “… to pay yourself and your team competitively. You might even…Read More
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![Profile picture of DianaLidstone]()
Thanks so much Kerstin!!!
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![Profile picture of DianaLidstone]()
#3 — Optimize your business model and metrics in your PROFIT Plan that will uncover hidden profit leaks and where you might be leaving money on the table.
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![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
Uncover hidden profit leaks and where you might be leaving money on the table so we can optimize your PROFIT Plan for the future.
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![Profile picture of Annette Presley]()
I might change the second point to use a comma after bottleneck and then ‘allowing you the freedom you truly desire.’
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Here’s the results for my 1-1 Coaching program (12 maths) — input pls
1. co-create & implement a VISIBILITY ROADMAP which differentiates you as the undeniable authority in your field so you magnetize dream clients with ease (without paid ads and perhaps without social media)
2. maximize your profits (not just your revenue) with systems,…Read More2 Comments-
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
#3 you lost me. This feels more like a “how” = support & feedback. What is the result of #3.
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![Profile picture of Amy Flo-Yo]()
Agree with Amy #3 is about YOU and your guidance, not their result….
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Forgot the title: CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER?