How did this go? I know you had it scheduled for after class. Do you have a link so we can see how it was laid out?

Forgot the title: CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER?

I would remove the word PILOT. You know what you are doing and you can help these women. Adding Pilot makes this seem like it isn’t real. Like you are experimenting and not the leader you really are.
The special benefits – like bonus coaching – is something that you can gift people once they are in. The feedback will happen because you build…Read More

Nice work Nancy.

CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER? (Not crazy about this title. Is this about their DNA, their cultural beliefs or others beliefs about Asians. Which one or ones are you addressing)

I would make sure you hammer home, Who this is for, Asian woman, and Why, cultural heritage. Make sure they feel this is tailored to them, and…Read More

I think it sounds great!

Yes this is so good!!

Hi Donna, this is reading tight and strong; good work, Any ideas for a grabby TITLE?

Donna, really good.
I would consider flipping “Are you ready to dump uncertain guesswork and start making profitable decisions in your business?, to “Are you ready to start making profitable decisions in your business, and dump uncertain guesswork?
And I would also consider, again switching the CTA around, “Book a call with me and let’s make…Read More

Rework: You are willing to try a new approach that will give you more energy, mental clarity, better control over mood and emotions, and get your hormones working on your side again (or for the first time).
-Many of us have already tired what our docs have called “lifestyle changes” or “diet changes” I don’t think you need to be so weedy with…Read More

For #1 I’d maybe say You will comfortably and confidently engage in conversations with those who speak German.

1) I would say …” without paid ads and even social media”. Your clients can still use any or both, but you give them options to succeed without these tools. 2) Do you only work with entrepreneurs who already have a team? If I read this, I assume it is not for solopreneurs. 3) “… to pay yourself and your team competitively. You might even…Read More

#3 — Optimize your business model and metrics in your PROFIT Plan that will uncover hidden profit leaks and where you might be leaving money on the table.

I might change the second point to use a comma after bottleneck and then ‘allowing you the freedom you truly desire.’

This is only the qualifiers. I still don’t understand the RESULTS we will get from the retreat. Check out our retreat page: https://joyfulbusinessrevolution.com/jmmvermont/
Here are the results from the page:
1
Get clarity on your business and revenue growth plan. You will use this information as a filter for every single decision you make moving…Read More

Third bullet gramer: • You want to increase your impact and income WITH intention.

The 3 step process is very clear. Good work!

I think it’s clear and would grab the attention of coaches wanting to do retreats.