The story starts very compelling. I would add some stronger adjectives in the second part ( It was a phenomenal success). I also would simplify the CTA. Only give them one option. I love the emojis.

I feel like you are missing something…. are you your ideal weight now? did you find that something you were looking for in the last round of experimentation?

Stephanie,
once again, nice job, I think you are pretty much on-target.I would open a little different, edit a few other places, and add a little more detail to give people a stronger feeling about what your struggles.

My journey to learning how to lose weight joyfully began n 2013. I was at my heaviest weight ever, and officially obese.

When I…Read More

Some different ideas for some of the sentences:

It took me 6 whole years to lose just 40 lbs.
I lost 40 lbs in only 4 months! I was so excited and on top of that I managed to keep the weight off for an entire year.

But then I gained back 12 lbs. What I was doing to lose weight wasn’t helping me keep the weight off. I needed to try something…Read More

Love the version you published

Great draft – my recommendation would you warm this up with wayyy more emotion (I know this is hard for some cultures). Here’s a rewrite so you get the gist:

I was so afraid of everyone thinking I was stupid, that I practiced my new language with our puppy–who I knew would not be judgemental and would be willing to listen! After immigrating to…Read More

As some members mentioned the have a time conflict on the 4th Wednesday, is there another time that would suit you?

Good job! What about this (looking to warm this up a little): I believe German learners learn best with a combination of language + art instruction–in a highly supportive community.

I would keep it ‘your’. What you do is very personal.
How does our relationship with food help heal the world? It is too broad the way it is written now. Why is this important?

I agree with Amy, if your vision is around the “your” your mission should be too. (“Embracing your…” and creating awareness around you…”) It’s more personal. I also don’t think world here is too broad. If one person at a time can be healed / have awarenesss around food then essentially you’re healing the world, just one person at a time 🙂

I would leave the “your” but I am not clear how the personal awareness about food is healing the world.

Hi @amyttravs-com – I like this version much better! Good job. Let’s get it sent out and see what happens. Will you also tweak this for a FB/LI post?

Really Good, I would recommend a few changes.

(((I think this is a minor flip but a little clearer))) “So far this year we have been learning from Retreat Leaders Live interviews. Been bringing your retreat plan into reality during our Dreaming in the Daylight, and I have been working with dozens of transformational leaders to build their r…Read More

I love the end. If Change is calling, book a call. ❤️

Wow I love it – easy to read – great flow!

Joel – this is clear and concise – good job. I wouldn’t say “if so join my …” because you are then asking them for a consult. See how that may feel like a mixed message to your peeps? You might say something like: If this sounds like what you are experiencing, you may benefit from program called xyz. See the difference?

“You’re motivated to reach your goals but you have questions about how to get there”

What goals? Personal? Business? Financial?

This doesn’t make sense to me. This if not for you if: You respect other businesses even if you don’t understand them