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Hey everyone! I took a stab at writing an email with the behind the scenes content and I’d love some feedback. I am not sure exactly how to tie in the CTA. I feel like it kind of sneaks up on you and needs a better transition. The topic is Travel and the hook is a question. Thanks!
Here is the email:
Title: How can getting your finances…Read More
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![Profile picture of Dan Lewis]()
Thanks for sharing your love of travel, Sara. I love to travel too! May I make two suggestions?
Get specific and sensory. It’s the little details that spark engagement and presence you. Today I’m thinking back to a trip to Venice we made on our honeymoon. I remember the heat and the orange glow of the molten glass in the glass-blowing workshop on…Read More -
![Profile picture of AmyHager]()
I see how you feel you have dumped all the engagement at the end. What if you sprinkle it throughout and bold it so people see it.
Title: How can getting your finances organized free you from FOMO?I’m not sure if you know this about me, but I love to travel. I do it any chance that I get. From a weekend spa getaway to a trip to a new city – I’m…Read More
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UPDATE: I made some edits and posted it to LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/posts/docbku_financialfreedom-moneymanagement-moneyroadtrip-activity-7085096255202197504-Hydi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop
By completing our Money Road Trip Workbook and online program, you’ll gain so much:
Clarity in how you want to live your life and…Read More![]()
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![Profile picture of DanielaBorgialli]()
Really love this ! It’s cheeky, it’s fun and the “symptoms close to home “ – love that transition .
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![Profile picture of MonicaDunnagan]()
Love this
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![Profile picture of MonicaDunnagan]()
I love this
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After only 3 lessons at the Baton Rouge Conservatory, students typically see these results:
1 – More confidence trying new things (even beyond music)
2 – More ease in hearing and echoing different tunes and rhythms
3 – Increased physical comfort while singing or playing 🫶If you are currently experiencing any of these symptoms:
1 -…Read More![Profile Photo]()
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![Profile picture of Shannon]()
@ruthviolincox-net love this! I do think that if you said this in line one in first set it would help frame “beyond music”: More confidence trying out new skills and activities (even beyond music). thoughts?
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![Profile picture of RuthRoland]()
Yes, wonderful! Trying to keep it succint–does my solution (trying new things) works to encompass skills and activities or just make it sound vague?
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Hi all, from my new home ! I went back to the turning points story, which I love, but I am still struggling with it. Amy you mentioned the themes, and I totally agree with the ones you mentioned : not setting the foundations first, and that I do have a bit of a time issues lol (’cause there are so many things to learn ! ). I quite often get to…Read More
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
Some of the language felt like it was taking away from the emotional content of a beautiful story. Either there was a bit too much of a set-up or other verbiage that was creating distance of something akin to speaking as a 3rd person/observer.
(“I was seeing myself drowning…” is very different from ‘I was drowning…’)
(“I had had that amazing…Read More-
![Profile picture of Claire Peltier]()
Thank you Joel for taking the time ! That’s very useful re the wording and being more direct
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![Profile picture of RuthRoland]()
Beautiful story! I have a few questions:
What are the details of the going deeper in your own practice that produced the clear energy shift?
What do you mean by having found your home? This sounds like a literal, physical home but I don’t see how that connects to the paragraph above.Either way, more details would help me understand how you got…Read More
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![Profile picture of Claire Peltier]()
Thank you Ruth ! Here is what I have re written
But something was still nagging me, I needed to go deeper in my own practice. During nearly one year I studied other modalities, deepening my inner world : meditation remained part at the center, pendulum dowsing gave me an sound approach to energy clearing and extended details to accompany people…Read More-
![Profile picture of RuthRoland]()
Better! I would make each phrase after the colon in the second sentence a bullet point. A different solution would be to use a period instead of a colon, then make each phrase its own sentence. The next sentence (energy shift) should be a new paragraph.
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![Profile picture of Claire Peltier]()
thanks Ruth! That’s great (and re fewer and less… i get mixed up sometimes ! English is not my mother tongue 😉
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![Profile picture of RuthRoland]()
Yeah…we all get mixed up sometimes even those of us who grew up speaking English. It’s confusing!
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![Profile picture of RuthRoland]()
fewer tools, not less tools: fewer is for lower numbers of things, less is for degrees of states (less hungry, less time)
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![Profile picture of Claire Peltier]()
as for the home part, it is indeed my physical home. I guess if I put it in there, there needs to be a bit more clarity, it is ‘my first’ home, I have been looking for it for 3 years, it is grounding and I feel it will be important in the next steps
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![Profile picture of RuthRoland]()
Ah, yes! That helps.
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When COVID hit, many of my violin students could no longer afford lessons, so I took on a few piano students. As the economy adjusted to the pandemic, more and more students came to me—for both piano and violin.
At that time I was teaching at five locations. Between the long drives and the large number of students, I didn’t feel able to give my…Read More
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![Profile picture of DanielaBorgialli]()
I feel like your point of no return is that moment when you decided that you couldn’t teach at 5 locations anymore.. how long did you do that for before you made that decision??? Did you decide on your own to simplify to 2 locations 1 schedule? what does that entail? Did you already know your like-minded instructor who you hired to help? and you…Read More
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![Profile picture of JoelElfman]()
I like this a lot. Does “at this time…” describe pre-Covid or during Covid?
You might consider turning up the emotion a bit.
Examples:
– Between the long drives & the large number of students, I was struggling & frustrated, I didn’t feel I was able to give my students the attention they deserve. After a lot of thought and a hell of a lot of…Read More
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Well done! Neither of your CTAs bothered me. I would have preferred the first one (Want to hear more about that?…) in parentheses, but it works as is. I bet others will have tips about how to smooth those transitions, but to me they worked well.