Jackie Barker

KerstinPeters is with JoelElfman and 19 others

• 2 years, 4 months ago

Is anyone planning to join me Thursday at noon ET for the 4 Th Wednesday Community Cooperation Meeting? Some of you mentioned that they had a time conflict. I could also host it at 10:30 AM or 3:30 PM.

Time: Aug 24, 2022 12:00 Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Every month on the Fourth Wed, 4 occurrence(s)
Aug 24, 2022 12:00…Read More

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JoelElfman

• 2 years, 4 months ago

Trying to write this Turning Point/Journey piece been a tortuous piece for me. It’s still way too long, but at least it’s progress.
——-
Almost all of my life I’ve sat uneasily on an uneven 3 legged stool, wobbling back & forth between a wild imagination, physical activities and the expectations of others or society.

⁃ As a young boy, I…Read More

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12 Comments
- Amy Flo-Yo
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  OK – what is the call to action here?
- Amy Flo-Yo
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  I think it is brilliant, flows wonderfully. A few small take outs to tighten in up.. and off it goes:
  
  DANG IT – the friggin strike throughs won’t show up in here. SO here it is with stuff just deleted:
  
  Almost all of my life I’ve sat uneasily on an uneven 3 legged stool, wobbling back & forth between a wild imagination, physical activities a…Read More
  - JoelElfman
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    Thanks @Amy Flo-Yo for the comments & for the CTA reminder. I got so caught up in the writing, I forgot.
    
    CTA – If you are interested in connecting mind & body, being that better, more natural version of yourself, then reach out and schedule a discovery chat. If you can imagine a happier, more confident you, getting more done, easily &…Read More
    - Amy Flo-Yo
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      LOL – still too many words 😉 As a past grant writer I know all about more words to fill word count and fluff…BUT this type of stuff needs to be “easy” to process. That first sentence is clunky. just use this: If you can imagine a happier, more confident you, getting more done, easily & effortlessly, and feeling better about life then we…Read More
      
      JoelElfman
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      Thanks again, Amy, I knew it was clunky, thanks for your suggestions.
- Annette Presley
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  I tightened it a little, so here’s my version:
  
  For most of my life I’ve sat uneasily on a 3 legged stool, wobbling back & forth between a wild imagination, physical activities, and the expectations of others or society.
  
  ⁃ As a young boy, I did Modern Dance, until it didn’t seem like the thing a boy should be doing.
  
  ⁃ I was a voracious reader…Read More
  - JoelElfman
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    Thanks Annette, wonderful edit. You & Amy Flo-Yo are awesome.
    - JoelElfman
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      Many thanks to @Amy Flo-Yo & @Annette Presley for their wonderful edits. I blended parts of both for the rewrite. I also added a new paragraph to start, because I thought it fit the theme really well. I also included an alternative flip at the bottom of the 1st paragraph, just in case folks thought that might be better.
      =================
      
      When…Read More
      
      Annette Presley
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      I like the beginning. There is some duplication. I don’t think you need both of these paragraphs:
      
      Hypnosis has given me more confidence, made me feel more relaxed, and has allowed me to help an amazing array of people.
      
      ⁃ Hypnosis has been a beautiful gift to me, helping me become more confident and relaxed, and allowing me to help an amazing a…Read More
      
      JoelElfman
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      @Annette Presely Thank you for catching the duplication & grammar. I will edit accordingly.
      
      Annette Presley
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      I would use but in truth instead of and in truth with the second paragraph. And there is redundancy in these two paragraphs.
      
      The body is as much a part of our unconscious as our mind. The body always speaks the truth to us, and it gives us simple, natural, elegant tools to help us, even when we are inarticulate, caught up in overthinking, or…Read More
- JoelElfman
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  Posted on FB, LinkedIn, & is the new About page for my website
KerstinPeters

• 2 years, 5 months ago

Here is step 2 of the message, the story outline:

Immigrating to Canada, I had the language skills after a two-year certification as a foreign language correspondent. While I could perform oral business translations, I did not dare to talk to people. During the full-time programme, the goal was perfection. However, we never practiced improvised…Read More

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5 Comments
- Shannon
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  Great draft – my recommendation would you warm this up with wayyy more emotion (I know this is hard for some cultures). Here’s a rewrite so you get the gist:
  
  I was so afraid of everyone thinking I was stupid, that I practiced my new language with our puppy–who I knew would not be judgemental and would be willing to listen! After immigrating to…Read More
  - KerstinPeters
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    Thanks, Shannon, I see what you mean. I will see what I can do.
  - JoelElfman
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    I’m wondering if you can also make a joke about the puppy’s conversation improving as well.
    - KerstinPeters
      2 years, 4 months ago
      
      @Joel, that is not a bad idea. I will see if I can add that.
  - KerstinPeters
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    Second draft:
    
    When I immigrated to Canada, I had the language skills to thrive in my new country after a two-year certification as a foreign language correspondent. While I could confidently perform oral business translations, I did not dare to talk to people. During the full-time programme, the goal was perfection. However, we never practiced…Read More
KerstinPeters

• 2 years, 5 months ago

Do you need a little extra support with your content creation? Come hang out with fellow Content Personality Club students to talk through anything that keeps you from putting your messages out. This session on the fourth Wednesday of the month is not hosted by Shannon or Amy.
Here is the link to my personal zoom sessions for you:

Topic: 4 Th…Read More

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2 Comments
- KerstinPeters
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  As some members mentioned the have a time conflict on the 4th Wednesday, is there another time that would suit you?
  - KerstinPeters
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    Does anyone plan to come tomorrow to the 4 Th Wednesday Community Cooperation?
KerstinPeters

• 2 years, 5 months ago

Reworking my vision statement from May:

I believe the combination of language and art instruction for German learners in a supportive community facilitates studying, enriches their lives and promotes understanding.

I would love some feedback. I teach German by using simple art projects to visualize new content to help memorization and…Read More

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2 Comments
- Shannon
  2 years, 4 months ago
  
  Good job! What about this (looking to warm this up a little): I believe German learners learn best with a combination of language + art instruction–in a highly supportive community.
  - KerstinPeters
    2 years, 4 months ago
    
    Thanks, Shannon. It is exactly my vision.
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