Community Forum – Content Personality Club

AimeeRussell

• 2 years, 6 months ago

This is my direct offer. I’ll be posting on IG and FB. Also, any suggestions for a photo to go with this.

How you can have clean, healthy hair and scalp almost instantly!!

Are you a woman who has been blessed with fine, flat hair? Is greasy, gross feeling hair a constant battle? Is your hair lacking shine and just feels overall lifeless…Read More

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2 Comments
- AmyHager
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  I am excited to see it with an image
- JoelElfman
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Hi Aimee, this is very good. 1-2 minor spelling errors (results & assessment). From what I understand Google can punish rankings of claims like “the most amazing”, the best, you can get around it by making it subjective. “I believe this is the most amazing..” Also, if you some authority, I would consider adding it here. “Being a stylist for 10…Read More
KerstinPeters

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Direct Offer Email:

Guten Tag, NAME,

Do you want to become an engaged participant in German conversations?

I know how intimidating it is to learn and speak a new language from my own experiences. I did not dare to talk to people when I immigrated to Canada. I was so afraid everyone would think I was stupid because I could not express…Read More

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3 Comments
- AmyHager
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  How did this go? I know you had it scheduled for after class. Do you have a link so we can see how it was laid out?
  - KerstinPeters
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Hi Amy, Here is the link to my newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/973bea04b7a5/german-news-5238392. I also posted it on my Facebook wall and shared it to my page and group. I had one comment and a couple of likes to the post. No response from the email.
    - KerstinPeters
      2 years, 5 months ago
      
      I will use the same template to promote my upcoming Facebook challenge this week. I will add FB lives to the mix to promote the event.
NancyChen

• 2 years, 6 months ago

DIRECT OFFER EMAIL – Draft 1
Used the magic word, “repeatable”!
Comments invited!

Hello ,

Do you want to build more influence at work so that you can reach your goals?

If so, I would like to work with you in my PILOT Leadership Program designed for Asian women. This group program delivers the same system that has transformed many…Read More

4 Comments
- NancyChen
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Forgot the title: CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER?
- AmyHager
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  I would remove the word PILOT. You know what you are doing and you can help these women. Adding Pilot makes this seem like it isn’t real. Like you are experimenting and not the leader you really are.
  The special benefits – like bonus coaching – is something that you can gift people once they are in. The feedback will happen because you build…Read More
  - NancyChen
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Thanks for your feedback, Amy – it’s making more sense to me now.
- JoelElfman
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Nice work Nancy.
  
  CAN BEING ASIAN SABOTAGE YOUR CAREER? (Not crazy about this title. Is this about their DNA, their cultural beliefs or others beliefs about Asians. Which one or ones are you addressing)
  
  I would make sure you hammer home, Who this is for, Asian woman, and Why, cultural heritage. Make sure they feel this is tailored to them, and…Read More
DonnaDube

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Would love any and all feedback on my direct offer post that would go into an email:

Hi ***,

Did you know that data driven businesses are 23 times more likely to acquire new customers and 19 times more likely to be profitable? Those are some staggering statistics folks, whether you love numbers or hate them. The evidence is clear that looking at…Read More

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11 Comments
- Annette Presley
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  I think it sounds great!
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks Annette! I appreciate you taking the time to read it through.
- SusanMaldonado
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Yes this is so good!!
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks Sue! Appreciate it.
- NancyChen
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Hi Donna, this is reading tight and strong; good work, Any ideas for a grabby TITLE?
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks Nancy. For a title I was thinking “It’s time for profitable decision making in your business”
    - NancyChen
      2 years, 6 months ago
      
      Donna, I think that the arguments that you make so strongly to follow are too compelling, and almost demand, a hookier title. Let yourself get passionate about your topic, which you clearly are, and see what comes out :-D! ?How to make your numbers your best friend vs. your worst enemy? Stop sweeping the financial truth of your business under the…Read More
      
      DonnaDube
      2 years, 6 months ago
      
      Nancy, thanks for your kind words.. love your suggestions.. I will have some fun with it and see what I can come up with. Titles are obviously not my strong point! On a side note, I would be happy to chat with you further if you wish, no need to wait till you hit $200K!
      
      KerstinPeters
      2 years, 6 months ago
      
      Very clear and compelling, Donna. I have a similar problem with titles.
- JoelElfman
  2 years, 5 months ago
  
  Donna, really good.
  I would consider flipping “Are you ready to dump uncertain guesswork and start making profitable decisions in your business?, to “Are you ready to start making profitable decisions in your business, and dump uncertain guesswork?
  And I would also consider, again switching the CTA around, “Book a call with me and let’s make…Read More
  - DonnaDube
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Thanks Joel for your thoughts! I like your suggestions.
Annette Presley changed their profile picture

• 2 years, 6 months ago

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Annette Presley

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Here’s my invitation:

Hello, ,
Are you tired of seeing doctor after doctor only to get no real solutions or dismissed with an antidepressant as they rush you out the door?

Are you tired of feeling like crap and wish you could just get your life back?

If so, I would like to work with you in my 8-week Revived Woman Intensive. I have 10…Read More

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3 Comments
- AmyHager
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  Rework: You are willing to try a new approach that will give you more energy, mental clarity, better control over mood and emotions, and get your hormones working on your side again (or for the first time).
  -Many of us have already tired what our docs have called “lifestyle changes” or “diet changes” I don’t think you need to be so weedy with…Read More
  - Annette Presley
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Oh yeah, much better, thanks!
  - JoelElfman
    2 years, 5 months ago
    
    Annette, really good. “get your hormones working on your side again (or for the first time).” is a wonderful turn of phrase
KerstinPeters

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Here are the results from taking part in my Summer Conversation Sessions:
1) You will become more comfortable and confident speaking German to be an engaged participant in conversations.
2) You will increase your vocabulary for small talk and feel part of the conversations.
3) You will connect and practice with other learners to feel supported…Read More

2 Comments
- Annette Presley
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  For #1 I’d maybe say You will comfortably and confidently engage in conversations with those who speak German.
  - KerstinPeters
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks, Annette.
DianaLidstone

• 2 years, 6 months ago

TAKE #2 – 3 results….

Here’s the results for my 1-1 Coaching program (12 months) — input pls … Working with me you will…

1. co-create & implement a VISIBILITY ROADMAP which ensures that you STAND OUT as the undeniable authority in your field so you magnetize dream clients with ease (without paid ads and perhaps without social med…Read More

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5 Comments
- KerstinPeters
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  1) I would say …” without paid ads and even social media”. Your clients can still use any or both, but you give them options to succeed without these tools. 2) Do you only work with entrepreneurs who already have a team? If I read this, I assume it is not for solopreneurs. 3) “… to pay yourself and your team competitively. You might even…Read More
  - DianaLidstone
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Thanks so much Kerstin!!!
- DianaLidstone
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  #3 — Optimize your business model and metrics in your PROFIT Plan that will uncover hidden profit leaks and where you might be leaving money on the table.
  - AmyHager
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Uncover hidden profit leaks and where you might be leaving money on the table so we can optimize your PROFIT Plan for the future.
- Annette Presley
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  I might change the second point to use a comma after bottleneck and then ‘allowing you the freedom you truly desire.’
SusanMaldonado

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Feedback on this business card draft?? Putting qualifiers right up front.
Yeah it’s busy… but if the objective is to define the message and then shout it out there….. QR code goes right to my free consult scheduling page.
(Also added the checkbox “OK to add to email list” when booking!)

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3 Comments
- AmyHager
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  This is a great example of how else to BOLD Qualifiers in a new way! Susan, if you want to share this image in the big FB group under our interview from last week – that would be awesome. https://www.facebook.com/1131797962/videos/347375547561171/
  - SusanMaldonado
    2 years, 6 months ago
    
    Done! Thanks Amy
- Annette Presley
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  I like it!
BethShenton

• 2 years, 6 months ago

Hello everyone! Newbie here.
Here’s an invitation I’m working on for an event – too much how – ideas for verbiage for results? Thanks for sharing your comments. 😊

Are you ready for our Breathe, Eat, Relax Retreat?
– You want to spend a day in a beautiful location near Lake Anna.
– You want to enjoy yoga, meditation, and delicious pla…Read More

1 Comment
- AmyHager
  2 years, 6 months ago
  
  This is only the qualifiers. I still don’t understand the RESULTS we will get from the retreat. Check out our retreat page: https://joyfulbusinessrevolution.com/jmmvermont/
  Here are the results from the page:
  1
  Get clarity on your business and revenue growth plan. You will use this information as a filter for every single decision you make moving…Read More
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